There is only LOVE~CHAR
You are continually given proof:
You are constantly invited to believe:
You are always being supported in that:
You Are Amazing in Every Way!
There is only Love Everything else is distraction
What a difference a day makes….
In becoming the person you were meant to be in this life, bad things will happen to you. What else will coax you from your carefully maintained comfort zone of limiting possibilities?
So what happens when the Baaaaad Things Happen?
Four years ago I was secure and felt sure of and satisfied with my life and rather proud of my accomplishments; creative, active, big thinking problem solver, go to person, answer lady, whatever it takes (so said my ex) big time doer, never sick, etc. etc., there was always something going on, something that I needed to do. I always wore the most intriguing outfits and was fairly certain that I was personally responsible for a few trends. “You’re where you should be all the time and when you’re not you’re with…..”
Well, then I became ill.
For the next two months I lived in my office scouring the internet printing out pages of reports and findings on suspecting causes.
Doctor after doctor, and no one could tell me why or give a cause other than anxiety. So of course I was prescribed medication. I thanked my doctor to appease him because I could see his growing frustration and impatience with me. He seemed pleased with himself and condescendingly sent me on my way, sure of his victory over my presentation. Imagine feeling the worst you’ve ever felt and the only action available to you was to elevate the stress in the person you rely upon to help you! It was clear to me that I would have to find my way through to the answers through my own efforts.
What you need is always there for you.
On a day that I shall never forget with one particular specialist, I answered yes to a question all doctors ask during consultation. Until then I’d answered no. The question was, “Do you have a headache?”
Driving home I wondered, after so many doctors and emergency room visits what was different this time? I started going backward with all of the details of that day. Uncharacteristically, I had closed the windows of my car leaving only the sunroof open because it was chilly from the rainy night before. No air, windows open as usual. Was there anything else about the car? Yes there was. The engine has recently been replaced. A slowly forming almost reluctant ethereal suggestion hinted, “Could carbon monoxide be involved?”
At home I called my general practitioner’s office. I spoke to the nurse and told her I needed to speak to the doctors about my suspicions regarding carbon monoxide. She called back minutes later and asked me if I wasn’t sure that I meant to say carbon dioxide! I started to cry. I had never been so completely frustrated or felt so entirely lost alone and desperate. I fell to the floor and prayed, “Please help me. Down here no one seems to know anything!” And the very next thought that came to me was very clear. “Take the CO detector from the wall and place it in the car.” I was stunned for a moment. Then I followed the instructions and placed the meter in the driver’s seat, closed the windows, started the engine, got out of the car, and closed the door. After 10 minutes waiting on my porch, I returned to the car to get the meter reading that registered a very high level of carbon monoxide. I was being poisoned by my car’s exhaust fumes.
Stress slipped away and I felt a warm comforting Presence all around me. I didn’t want to stray from it so I continued to lay there enjoying the most amazing sense of security and love and acceptance. I could have been taken away on a breeze. My prayer was answered and I felt safe for the first time in months.
This kind of recovery takes a long time and patient self-care. What a challenge for a previously impatient me! I am different now, can’t do-it-all these days! But in exchange I’ve learned that when I allow others to do for me I get to experience the beautiful gift of connection existing between all of us. People seem to gravitate to the opportunity to experience that connection, to express the Love! Amazing!
For a take-charge personality the biggest challenge has been a simple one: to allow others. Though it continues to be my first response, I just don’t get a charge out of reacting that way anymore. My good fortune has been that I’ve established some incredible bonds as well as rid myself of a couple of fair-weather-friends (after so many years, who knew, though they have always been rather difficult.) Because of my illness I know some of what’s been missing. And each day I discover more, i.e. my love of writing!
So could it be that the bad things that happen are just an invitation to experience your life from a different perspective to see what becomes of you? And perhaps it’s all part of the grand design in revealing the wonder of You, your Self, your most precious and amazing gift.